Favorite Tall Tale

As I sit here with a tongue burning due to Nerds and I wait on a video converter to install, I feel as though I should reflect on my favorite tall tale.  What do any of these things have in common?  Well, there's one thing: They have nothing in common, so by having nothing in common, they--in turn--have indeed something in common.  Fascinating, huh?  Not really.

Regardless, my favorite tall tale...  Well god, I'm not sure.  How am I supposed to?  I don't even like tall tales, much less have a favorite of them!  But I guess if I had to choose, it'd be Paul Bunyan.  Why?  Well Paul Bunyan is freaking Paul Bunyan.  100 feet tall, big, burly, strong--bearded!  What more could a dude ask for?  Sure, if you're a sissy you would deny the manly awesomeness of Paul Bunyan, but let's face it: No man, regardless of his masculinity, can deny Paul Bunyan.

Now, Johnny Appleseed?  Hell yes, a guy could deny him!  He was a wimp, walking around just planting apple trees.  Paul Bunyan chopped down Johnny's little apple trees, that's what he did!  And then right after, he and that bull went and kicked some ass elsewhere.  Johnny was the olden times hippie; Paul Bunyan was an old school badBUTT.  There's no other way to put it!

In lieu of these points, Paul Bunyan was still a cool tall tale.  Okay, I can't stop myself; he made a bull out of a mountain, his axe, and pure testosterone!  What the hell?!  How could he not be the coolest person in the history of the world?  You tell me, you honestly tell me how he is a wussy, and I will tell you that you are the greatest person ever.